Friday, May 9, 2014

How To: Properly Fold A Burrito

Being that Cinco de Mayo just passed and all, I noticed that there were tons of recipes out there for awesome Mexican food.  As I sat perusing through Pinterest I noticed a disturbing phenomenon, burritos that were not folded properly. Burritos are meant to be portable food, unless they are slathered in sauce, then they are meant to be eaten with a fork.    For some reason this irks me on so many levels the first being this one... How do you eat a burrito that has both ends left open? Really? How in the hell do you eat that? A hot mess, literally, sure a crotch full of hot beans sounds fun and all but I'm not into all that kinky stuff. I get irate even when we go to a fast food joint, a buy the kids a burrito and one end is open and of course it was crammed into to bottom of the bag and all of the insides are getting squeezed out of the top, so by the time you make it home half of the insides are all over the wrapper, like your burrito just had explosive diarrhea.(Yes I KNOW that was a run on sentence, that you very much grammar police!)

So I decided to do you all a favor and show you how to properly fold a burrito.

You are going to need large flour tortillas.

The most important step of all, heat said tortilla, you can do this over an open flame on the stove (not for wusses) or heat them in the microwave for a few seconds, this makes the tortilla softer and easier to fold.

Fill with whatever you like, but don't over do it, and keep filling in the center. This was Teenie's burrito and since she is horribly picky it must me made a certain way (four piece of lettuce, two dollops of sour cream, mostly beans, 1 tablespoon of meat, two pieces of tomato, three leaves of cilantro, and cheese evenly distributed) before she murders the thing by drowning it in approximately half a bottle of ketchup.  Yes, ketchup.

Fold in the ends of the tortilla, this will be the top of your burrito.  The more you fold in the less chance you have of the damn thing exploding when you bite into it.

Turn plate, then fold in one side.

Turn in tucking as you go.

 Continue rolling tight, but not so tight you tear the tortilla.
There you a properly folded burrito.

Hopefully I have provided a valuable service and saved some poor, misguided soul from the agony of a hot bean spill and trip to the ER.
There you go, an entire blog post, from someone that can't even eat a burrito.